He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
