now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
