I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
