how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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