Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
