i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
