Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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