Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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