I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
