I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
