Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
