How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
