Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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