Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
that's an acceptable place to lick
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
