I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
