it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
