Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
