Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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