goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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