Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
