I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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