even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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