I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
my poor anus
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
