You're my little dorito
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
