Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
