the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize