We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
