don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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