Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize