hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
