It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
