my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
