Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
