I think I died a long time ago.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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