just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
