She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
