batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
