I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize