Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
