I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize