his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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