At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
