someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
