im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
