if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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