New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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