a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
