Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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