there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
