She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
How does one acquire holy water?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
