both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize