Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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