It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
