belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
