does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize