i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We need to rekindle our bromance
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
