Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you traded sex for a burrito?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
