I seem to have left my pride at pride
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
