Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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