just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
