and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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