True but thats because hes a fetus.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize