the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
so much tequila, so little girl.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
