I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
