If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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